Understanding Abandonment: 

By; Michael Hainey, hypnotherapist.

How Our Minds React and Heal

Our subconscious minds are incredibly powerful, designed to protect us in life-or-death situations. Interestingly, the fear of abandonment can trigger similar survival instincts, even if the threat is not physical. For many, this fear stems from emotional abandonment experienced during childhood.

For example, children raised by alcoholic or addicted parents often face emotional neglect, as their parents are more focused on their substance or addictive behavior than on their children. To a child, this emotional unavailability feels like a life-threatening situation, causing intense anxiety.

When a child's brain is not yet fully developed, these experiences can lead to separation anxiety. As the child grows into adulthood, this anxiety may evolve into what we recognise as abandonment issues.

Here’s how the subconscious mind works in these scenarios:

1. It doesn't understand time: The subconscious mind perceives past traumas as if they are happening in the present.

2. It acts as our inner protector: It triggers survival responses to guard us against perceived threats.

3. It is dominant over our rational, conscious mind: This means that even when we know logically that we are safe, our subconscious mind can override that understanding with intense emotional reactions.

For adults with unresolved abandonment wounds, even minor incidents can trigger a strong reaction. Something as simple as a delayed response to a text message from a partner can cause feelings of panic and anxiety. This reaction may seem out of proportion to the actual event, but to someone with abandonment issues, it feels like a complete psychological and physiological takeover. The symptoms can be shocking, leaving a person feeling wounded, panicked, or hollow, as if a part of themselves has been stripped away.

These overwhelming emotions are confusing and frightening, especially when the trigger seems trivial. The most important step in these moments is to remind yourself that this is an old wound being reopened and that you are safe in the present moment.

The good news is that abandonment wounds can heal. By working with an experienced therapist or practitioner who understands these deep-seated issues, you can gradually reduce the intensity of these triggers. Over time, you'll learn to manage your reactions and reassure your mind and body that the perceived threat is firmly in the past. Healing takes time, but with consistent effort, you can regain control and feel more secure in your relationships and within yourself.

Michael Hainey